Lessons from my Father: Dying with Dignity
Posted on May 16, 2011 in Featured-writers Newswire
by John Shinn
President, PPS Plus Software
A father-son relationship is a special bond. Fathers teach their children by their actions and by their instructions. My father was raised in a small town in Illinois. He grew up in a single-parent household during the depression years. Money was tight and everyone had to contribute to help make ends meet. These times taught him the value of hard work and making it on his own. By the time he turned 22, he had a wife and two young daughters to support. I arrived 10 years later.
My father served as my role model and taught me many lessons. When I was growing up, he wanted me to obtain the best education possible. He pushed me to use my skills to the utmost and not miss little details. When I brought home a 95 from school, he would congratulate me and then ask me why I left the remaining five points on the table. He wanted me to appreciate the education I was receiving and to make the most of this opportunity.
When I graduated college and entered the business world, the lessons continued. My father had followed his dreams and built several successful business ventures. His path to success was built on hard work, giving his best effort and not taking "no" for an answer. He told me that if you believe in yourself and your ideas, you can accomplish anything. Don't let the status quo stand in your way. Exceptional ideas require exceptional people.
When my father was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor earlier this year, my lesson plan carried on. This time it was not by his words, but by his actions. In late February, his local physician in a small town in Illinois saw something on a scan that appeared to be a tumor. The physician instructed my father to immediately go to a large state-of-the-art hospital facility in St. Louis.
Upon arriving at the large hospital, the de-humanization process began. The staff immediately took away his clothes, wallet, cell phone, keys and his "identity." He was placed in a cold and sterile room to wait for the tests and the diagnosis. He was simply another elderly patient in the system. After the tests were complete, the high profile surgeon informed him that he had a brain tumor. The surgeon immediately wanted to perform a biopsy and begin radiation. No other options were given.
My sister, who is an RN, knew other options existed. She consulted with an oncologist in South Carolina and they came up with an alternative plan. The new plan consisted of denying the standard protocol and instead, allowing my father to die in peace at home. There would be no major efforts to try to lengthen his life, but instead, an alternative plan to let him die on his own terms. My father listened to his options and simply said, "I want to go home." The medical professionals at the hospital were aghast that we would decline their treatment plan and made the family feel guilty for selecting this option. My father, who was always a maverick, had once again bucked the system and chose his own path.
In early March, he returned to his home to spend his final days. He was surrounded by his family, friends and his beloved dogs. Hospice care started and they immediately provided support and instruction. Over the course of the next four weeks, he remained active and spent much of his time looking at possible real estate transactions. His constant quote was, "I do not want to rust out but to wear out."
Eventually the disease began to progress. By early April he became bedridden and required constant care. Delivering his care took its toll on the family. My step-mother, two sisters, step-brother and I worked in tandem to help provide care and support. It was a difficult time both physically and emotionally. During the course of the final two weeks we had to resort to around-the-clock nursing care to help meet his needs. On April 14, he died peacefully in his sleep.
At no time during this process did my father or my family have second thoughts about the treatment plan we selected. Perhaps if we have selected the doctor's treatment plan, he would have lived a few weeks or even months longer, but at what cost? Would the pain and suffering of the treatment plan have provided him with any quality of life or would it have just simply prolonged the inevitable? My father did not fear death and wanted to live his life to the fullest. My final lesson was complete. My father showed me how to die peacefully and with dignity.
©2011 John Shinn. All rights reserved.
About the author:
John Shinn is president and founder of PPS Plus Software. He founded the company in 1995 with the mission of helping healthcare providers obtain clinical and financial success. So in 2000, Home Health Edition was introduced to review the OASIS for clinical inconsistencies. Home Health Edition helps ensure the OASIS is clinically accurate so providers receive the appropriate Medicare reimbursement and submit accurate outcome data. John may be reached via email at john@ppsplus.com.
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I want to thank the Salem, IL home care and hospice community for providing care for my father. They provided an invaluable service to my father and family in their response to this illness. I have always been a strong advocate of home care and this personal experience has demonstrated to me what a great service they provide.
While I have the utmost respect for the medical community and their efforts to help cure and treat patients, I also believe we need to make available all options to allow people to make the best decision in the interest of the patient. In making these life-sensitive decisions, questions need to be raised about quality of life versus the physical and mental toll of trying to extend life.
I want to thank my father for all his life-long instructions and support. In my position as the founder and president of PPS Plus Software, he was instrumental in showing me how to build a successful business. He taught me to follow my dreams, go the extra mile and not to let naysayers stand in the way. Provide an exceptional product with exceptional service. Hire talented people, provide them the resources to do their job and get out of their way. Take care of your family and friends and always remember where you came from.
Thanks, Dad, for your insights and guidance. I hope I can provide the same inspiration to my children.
Love,
John
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