Make Sure Everyone’s Happy With a Senior Care Transition
Posted on July 13, 2011 in Featured-writers Newswire
by Michelle Seitzer
Rarely is a senior care decision made by one person alone. And, while it's nice to have options - home care, assisted living, independent living - that doesn't mean everyone involved will agree on what's best. More choices may provoke more conflict.
Families across the nation often find themselves in crisis mode when a senior in their circle suffers a health injury or illness, receives a distressing diagnosis, or loses the spouse who may have been their primary caregiver. These families are forced to make decisions quickly, often without taking the time to properly assess the situation and evaluate the options available.
"With great power comes great responsibility." While the jury's still out as to whether this famous quote should be attributed to FDR or Uncle Ben of "Spiderman" fame, the words hold some meaning for families caught up in the process of choosing senior care.
Regardless of the circumstances, the outcome of such a weighty decision falls on everyone's shoulders, but the person who will ultimately make the senior living transition (i.e., moving to an assisted living apartment, receiving care services from a home health agency provider, etc.) is the one most affected.
Thus, it's absolutely essential to keep the person who will be making the move at the center - not on the outskirts - of any discussion about choosing senior care.
Even a senior afflicted by Alzheimer's or another disease that limits communication and hinders normal decision-making capacities has the right to name his or her preferences about the desired level of care and the setting in which it may provided. Although these may be difficult conversations, to have - and surely others may disapprove of the individual's decision - their wishes must be respectfully honored and upheld as much as possible.
A diagnosis of terminal illness can open a very intense discussion among family members as to next steps and preferences, and it can also cause denial in certain individuals who don't want to accept their loved one's impending death, which can stir up dissension among the ranks.
Sometimes, those in denial (or those who are grieving the coming loss) tend to place unreasonable blame on their siblings for decisions with negative outcomes. Even though the negative outcomes may be a natural result of the terminal illness, denial and grief generate many negative feelings, and consequently, negative reactions, from the hurting individual.
If a family member in your care has received such a diagnosis, be sure that you are not letting your personal feelings about it (anger, sadness, guilt, etc.) interfere with the way you interact with other relatives, and especially with the person who has received the diagnosis.
Whether you're working with family, friends, professionals, or some combination of the three, it's important to see the group as a team, one that must work together towards the best possible outcome for your loved one.
Consider these tips for avoiding conflict as you forge ahead:
- Remember who it is you are caring for, and your relationship with that person.
- Always keep the care recipient's needs and preferences as the first priority.
- Don't let past or present differences with your brother, wife, daughter-in-law, etc. get in the way.
- Communicate often, and with honesty and tact.
- Don't speak or act out of a place of guilt, anger, or frustration.
- Bring in an objective third-party or mediator if and when necessary.
- 7Check out SFL's Caregiving Resource Guide for an unbiased, practical blueprint for making caregiving decisions.
- Most parents ultimately want what's best for their children, but many still push them toward (or away from) a certain career path, relationship, or life goal because their own desires prevail. If your mother, great uncle, or other senior relative needs care, be sure that you are separating your desires and vision for the future from theirs.
Making a senior care decision? Peruse www.SeniorsforLiving.com for advice on this important topic.
©2011, Michelle Sietzer. All rights reserved.
About the Author:
Before settling down as a full-time freelance writer, Michelle Seitzer spent 10 years serving in various roles at assisted living communities in Pennsylvania and Maryland, then worked for several years as a public policy coordinator for the Alzheimer's Association's PA Chapters. She also served as a long-distance caregiver for her beloved grandfather, who died of complications from Alzheimer's in 2009. Seitzer has blogged for www.SeniorsforLiving.com, a senior housing resource company, since November 2008. She is the co-moderator of the first #ElderCareChat on Twitter, held every other Wednesday at 1pm EST. Follow SeniorsforLiving on Twitter and Facebook.
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